Something

I relapsed

Actually feel sick to my stomach from this sadness.

You told me to trust you just for you to abandon me.

And like a fucking idiot, I did trust you.

And I would do it again because I love you.

I want to experience long lasting love and security so badly.

My bones are rotting and aching by the second as the ability to trust no longer exists in me.

I can’t do this anymore.

I don’t wanna be here.

Every single person that has ever held my heart has left me feeling empty and insignificant.

I dont know if I’m gonna make it out alive this time.

Existing feels so hard.

styrke:

you are allowed to be proud of the victories that no one else can see. like showering without completely hating your body, not breaking into tears at the thought of the future, talking yourself out of a dark mindset, calming yourself down in public, or like waking up every single day and choosing life. be proud of the progress no matter if it is visible for others or not. you’re doing great, keep up the good work!

No, because like honestly, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you. And I mean that with every fiber of my being.

I loved you for over 1,825 days and you couldn’t even honestly love me for one. I’ve spent so much time trying to heal all to come to some sort of acceptance that I’m just honestly really fucked and incapable of healing.

so now we’re here.

I hate you.

deadbyinsidee:

wishing-for-deathx:

I am not capable of healing. Every single thing that has hurt me and caused me pain or broken me in some profound way has distorted into this wound that bleeds at the slightest touch

metamorphesque:

The world is entire, and I am outside of it, crying …  —

katrien de blauwer  /  edith sitwell  /  e. m. forster  /  anaïs nin  /  virginia woolf  /  h. g. wells